kerkevik_2014: (Default)
Two days before I potentially lose my money again and my autistic brain has gone into overdrive. All I seem to do is either sleep, or stay permanently in that "I'll wake up in a moment" state, or endlessly collate hours of data and material I never have time to use because all I do is save it.

I'm fucked.

I should be getting up and dealing with this crap, but I'mlike a human ostrich with my head buried and my ass in the air pretending none of it is happening.

I. Am. Fucked.


kerk
kerkevik_2014: (Capable catches Nux's Soul)
Finally got a referral to mental health services through, but I have to call so I might need to check in at my sister's to see if I can use their phone. Paid my rent arrears, which crossed with the usual threatening letter from the council even though I said I'd be paying when my pension came through.
Most worrying is that, even though my pension came early because of the bank holidays, the ESA did not. Met soneone in Dundee who'd not received theirs either so I don;t know what to think.
All I can do right now is plan on what I have left having to last a good long while. Had to order a new card as the Nationwide seemed to think someone may have tried to gain access to my account. If they did they didn't get anything.
Need to sort out Independent Advocacy etc now things are moving, but it's hard not to just give up.

kerk
kerkevik_2014: (Default)
(AM)
Finally managed to take the first step today; though I did feel close to collapsing in on myself a couple of times at the CAB outreach. Fuzzy and weak in the legs; six hours later and I'm finally able to start focussing properly again.

(PM
Got home a little while ago; fed the cats. Still feeling a bit fuzzy around the edges, though I had a couple of chocolate bars and tea (Earl Grey; Hot ;-) ); an energy drink and a toastie. Not sure who, or what, agency is supposed to refer me to mental health services at the moment, which is a concern, but I will be contacting a group in Perth that helps people with asperger's /on the autism spectrum.

Should feel like progress, but I'm still not handling the whole thing very well, and the fuzziness is a worry.

kerk
kerkevik_2014: (Default)
Is anyone saving open_on_sunday from lj?

Managed to find my favourite Doyle_sb4 fics, but that's another journal likely to disappear as she hasn't posted for seven years.

Lib Dems are nowhere near strong enough to challenge anyone. Labour are toast, but watch all those Tories masking as their MPs lickspittle their way behind Corbyn. The SNP are going to lose ground to the Tories in May and in June.

Fucking shits are going to get a bloody landslide.

So depressed.
kerkevik_2014: (Default)
More than three hours to force myself out of the door; get to the council office to be told Welfare Rights is telephone only which, after some babbling on my part at the thought of having to deal with someone by myself over the phone, has me back out the door in under two minutes.
What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
kerkevik_2014: (Queer Trek)
Live Rewatch begins at 8 PM EST (that's 1 AM to me in the UK). Come join us http://www.chatzy.com/ds9rewatch for silliness and discussion!

Another classic this week; very unlikely I'll be able to make it myself, but go along and support if you can.

http://ds9-rewatch.livejournal.com/319560.html
https://ds9rewatch.tumblr.com/post/159632676091/live-rewatch-5x22-children-of-time

kerk
kerkevik_2014: (Default)
My near phobia about opening mail has finally come home to roost. Apparently my DLA has been, temporarily, stopped until I make a claim for the new PIP. This leaves me with £1.18 and no food except cup of soups until next week; assuming I get the payment I'm due then. Most worried that the cats don't have enough to get through until then; let alone to the end of the month when at least I know I'll get my PO pension.

This is going to be fun, fun, fun...

kerk
kerkevik_2014: (Default)
 
   It's hard to find the words to describe the sense of grief that is creeping over me; from reading some of the comments in my earliest posts by people who've gone in real life (R.I.P. [livejournal.com profile] woman_of_ ) to comments obviously deleted their lj's in the past couple of days; comments lost now so that I only have my half of the conversation left. I feel real loss most when the comments are about fics or in response to a birthday wish, or some personal post. 

   I can't believe that I can feel that much pain about something that often seems so ephemeral, but I feel like I'm torturing myself; wondering whether it's worth saving anything. I mean all that wondrous material lost when the willtara yahoo group disappeared; all those wonderful early fan sites gone. 

  It feels so pointless, yet I cannot stop because Right Now? It feels like all that's keeping me going. 

  I cannot even find the desire to write. I want to. I still need to. I am writing. But I always stop at some point, and it seems like I know I'm not going to finish it. 

  So why I posted this... 


   GRIEF
   BY ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING 
  I tell you, hopeless grief is passionless; 
  That only men incredulous of despair, 
  Half-taught in anguish, through the midnight air 
  Beat upward to God’s throne in loud access 
  Of shrieking and reproach. Full desertness, 
  In souls as countries, lieth silent-bare 
  Under the blanching, vertical eye-glare 
  Of the absolute heavens. Deep-hearted man, express 
  Grief for thy dead in silence like to death— 
  Most like a monumental statue set 
  In everlasting watch and moveless woe 
  Till itself crumble to the dust beneath. 
  Touch it; the marble eyelids are not wet: 
  If it could weep, it could arise and go. 
  

  

  Goddess preserve, 

  

  Kerk Hiraeth 


kerkevik_2014: (Default)
 
    Reading some of my early posts from my first lj, which I can no longer properly access, brought back a lot of stuff that nearly had me in tears on the bus journey back from Perth today. Found the poem I would have liked to post but, frankly it would have taken too long to type out tonight, and I managed to find one that follows, for me, a similar theme. 

 

  Love Letter by Carole E. Gregory

 

   Dear Samson,

   I put your hair

   in a jar

   by the pear tree

   near the well.

   I been thinkin'

   over what I done

   and I still don't think

   God gave you

   all that strength

   for you to kill

   my people.

 

   Love – Delilah

 

 


Goddess preserve 

Kerk 

kerkevik_2014: (Default)
 
   Coming to a decision that the time is very close when another fandom chapter is about to close. 

   However perspective. 

   It's really only a social media platform, and what will keep me there for longer than it should is trying to preserve memories while I can. 

   This poem is from a book called The Nation's Favourite Poems of Remembrance; published in 2003, the year after I moved from Devon in England, to Perthshire in Scotland. 


  www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/57253


  Everyone Sang

Related Poem Content Details

 Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
 And I was filled with such delight
 As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
 Winging wildly across the white
 Orchards and dark-green fields; on - on - and out of sight.
 
 Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted;
 And beauty came like the setting sun:
 My heart was shaken with tears; and horror
 Drifted away ... O, but Everyone
 Was a bird; and the song was wordless; the singing will never be done.
   Goddess preserve, 

   

   Kerk Hiraeth 


kerkevik_2014: (Default)

  via [personal profile] nightdog_barks

  So it appears that LiveJournal has a new User Agreement. LJ had some scheduled maintenance today, and when the site came back up there was a box over the front page, prompting approval for the new terms. I read the terms and was somewhat concerned. There was a button for "Not Now," but when I clicked that I was prompted to log out. So, yes, I agreed, because I was afraid I would lose all access to my journal until I agreed.

These are the two paragraphs in the new Agreement that concern me:

6.3 Please note that in accordance with part 3 Article 10.1 of the Federal Act of the Russian Federation No. 149-ФЗ the Administration shall keep the following information and provide it upon the lawful request of the competent authorities regardless of Users will:

6.3.1 any information related to receipt, transfer, delivery and/or processing of voice information, written texts, images, sounds, video and other electronic messages of Users and information on Users who performed the above actions, within one year upon performing such actions;


and

8.4 Please note that the Community (the Community’s page) within 24 hours, the Community Owner shall be subject to Article 10.2 of the Federal Act of the Russian Federation No. 149-ФЗ if more than three thousand Internet users access.

These paragraphs are bolded in the Agreement, seeming to indicate that they are new. And before anyone says "BUT THEY COULD DO THAT ALREADY IF THEY WANT TO," ... yes. I know that.

The point is -- while the LJ servers were in the U.S., they were subject to U.S. laws. Now that the servers are in Russia ... LJ users are subject to Russian Federation law? Because that's how I'm reading it.


 Still not sure what to do, but I'm thinking I'll sign; save what I need to; then it's sayonara lj for me. 

 And that saddens me almost as much as finding out the oid willtara yahoo group had disappeared. 

 kerk

kerkevik_2014: (Default)
 Livejournal was down for 'maintenance' for a few minutes. When it came back and you try to access a link, or your own account, you get this to agree to - ATTENTION: this translation of the User Agreement is not a legally binding document. The original User Agreement, which is valid, is located at the following address: http://www.livejournal.com/legal/tos-ru.bml.

Subject of the Agreement

Sup Media, Limited Liability Company (the Administration) shall make the Service available to user of the information and telecommunications network Internet (User) under the terms and conditions defined in this User Agreement (the Agreement). The Service may be used only by individuals aged 14 and above.
The Administration shall make the Service available to User for free.
General Provisions

This Agreement constitutes a public offer in accordance with Article 437 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation. By using the Service, including every access to the Website pages by any means, User unconditionally accepts this Agreement in its entirety.
This Agreement governs User’s and the Administration’s rights and obligations as well as their relationships with third parties whose rights and interests may be affected by User’s actions.
The current version of the Agreement hereof is available online at http://www.livejournal.com/legal/tos-en.bml. This Agreement may be amended by the Administration without special notice by publishing a new version hereof at the above URL. The new version hereof shall come into force upon its online publishing unless otherwise set forth by such a new version hereof.
Any User who does not agree with the terms of the current version hereof in full or in part shall discontinue using the Service in any way.
Users breach hereunder may cause termination of his/her access to his/her Account or deletion of such an Account as well as full or partial deletion of the Content or suspension thereto without prior notice.
Terms

Authorisation means the analysis of the Authentication Details given by User performed by the software part of the Service, based on which User is given an access to his/her Account.

Account means User’s account containing Authentication Details and other information provided by the User while using the Service.

Authentication Details means unique means of User identification (username and password) used for Authorisation.

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Content means User`s information within the Service, including any information published during the process of Registration, in Blogs and Communities as a note or comment as well as sent by User in private messages using the Service.

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Community Supervisor means User to whom the Community Owner gave access to special Community management functions.

Community means a Blog devoted to a topic specified by the Community Owner, the scope of Content which may be created by a Community of Users in accordance with the rules defined by the Community Owner.

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User shall confirm the Registration by activating following the instruction sent by the Administration to User’s email address defined for the Registration (Registered Address) upon submission of the information to the Registration form;
The Administration may, at its own discretion, prohibit the use of certain usernames as well as establish requirements to username and password (the number of characters, allowed symbols etc.) If the Administration detects that any words (letter combinations) are used as usernames that may be regarded as affecting the Administration’s and/or any third parties’ rights and legal interests, the Administration may, at its own discretion, delete the User’s Account or restrict access to it until User has changed his/her username as required by the Administration.
After completion of the registration process, User`s Account and Blog shall be created within the Service identified by a third-level domain name in the format username. livejournal. com, where ’username’ means the username chosen by User.
User shall be responsible for the security (guessing attacks resistance) of the Authentication Details and its confidentiality.
User shall be responsible for all actions performed using the User’s Authentications Details, All actions performed upon the Authorisation using the User’s Authentication Details shall be deemed performed by the User personally, unless the User has duly notified the Administration in advance of possible Unauthorised Access and/or any breach (alleged breach) of confidentiality of his/her Authentication Details in accordance herewith.
The User shall be responsible for any possible loss or distortion of information and for other consequences of any nature which may occur due to the User’s breach of any provisions of the Agreement.
User also can get an access to additional Service functions via her/his Facebook’, Twitter’, Google’, VKontakte’ or Mail. ru’ account (Third Party’ Account). Third Party Account functions can be limited in comparison with Account functions.
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The technical data transmitted to the Service by the User’s software as well as any other information transmitted by the User to the Service shall be available to the Administration and may be used at its own discretion legally, including targeting the advertising to User.
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Information contained in the Profile shall be available to other Users. User may at any time delete and/or modify the Profile using Account management interface.
Please note that, no information which can directly or indirectly identify the individual is needed in order to use the Service, including registration process; thus, the relationship connected with the Service, the Registration and information provided in the process of Registration, is not governed by the provisions of Federal Act of the Russian Federation No. 152-ФЗ.
Account Termination

Termination of Inactive Accounts by the Administration
The Administration reserves the right to delete Account and Blog if User did not access the Account or the access was restricted for more than six months due to a breach hereof.
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User may delete his/her Account using Account management interface. When the function to delete Account is activated, Account shall be blocked for 60 days, during which other Users shall have no access to the Blog Content;
Within this period hereof User can restore his/her Account, and Users’ access to the Blog Content shall be restored;
If User will not restore, his/her Account, username shall become available to other Users and all the User’s information and all the Content posted using Account and checked by User in the interface as subject to deletion shall be deleted except for the information specified in clause 6.3 hereof. Thenceforth, Account or any information related thereto cannot be restored. The data stored in accordance with clause 6.3 hereof shall not be available to User or to third parties and may be provided by the Administration only at the request of competent authorities.
Please note that in accordance with part 3 Article 10.1 of the Federal Act of the Russian Federation No. 149-ФЗ the Administration shall keep the following information and provide it upon the lawful request of the competent authorities regardless of Users will:
any information related to receipt, transfer, delivery and/or processing of voice information, written texts, images, sounds, video and other electronic messages of Users and information on Users who performed the above actions, within one year upon performing such actions;
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User may keep Blog, post notes and comments within his/her own Blog (Community) or in other Users’ Blogs (Communities).
Using the Service functions, User shall define the Content and the level of Content availability to Users subject to the requirements specified herein and applicable laws.
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User who posted comments in Blog and User keeping such a Blog shall be jointly and severally liable in respect of such comments.
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User may create Communities.
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In case of request of from a competent authority, the Administration may be obliged to provide the information about User or related to User.
The Administration may restrict User’s access to any Service function and restrict or prohibit the use of API and posting of links to third-party resources and take any other actions aimed at protecting the Service from factors which present or may have a risk to Users, to the normal operation of the Service and to the Administration’s policies. The Administration shall implement the said measures at its own discretion and shall not be responsible for possible negative consequences of such measures to User and to third parties.
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User shall be liable for breaching the terms and conditions hereof, including the requirements to Registration and Content posting, as well as for violation of applicable laws committed by User, including the laws of the Russian Federation and the laws of User’s residence;
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Please note that in accordance with the Russian Federation Act No. 2300-1 dated February 7, 1992, the provisions of the said act related to consumer rights protection do not apply to the relationship between the Administration and Users as the Service is provided for free.
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If User places any advertising Content on the Service (or promises to place such Content), this does not create any obligations of the Administration.
The Administration may send to User information related to the Service as well as third-party advertising using the email address provided by User.
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The following addresses shall be used to send legally significant communications:
to the Administration:
in respect of communications related to Content: contact form,
in respect of other communications: bldg. 1, 9 Varshavskoye Highway, Moscow, 117105.
to User: the address provided for registration:
All disputes arising out of this Agreement and/or related to the Service and Content may be resolved in Court after the Parties have taken steps to settle the dispute by negotiation, 30 calendar days upon the date when the claim (request) was sent to the addresses defined in clause 12.1 hereof.
If the dispute is not resolved by the time defined in clause 13.2 hereof it may be resolved by the Court in the Administration’s location.
Paid Services are not subject of this Agreement. The Administration shall not be liable for Paid Services. All Paid Services’ related questions shall be address to Live Journal Inc.
ATTENTION: this translation of the User Agreement is not a legally binding document. The original User Agreement, which is valid, is located at the following address: http://www.livejournal.com/legal/tos-ru.bml.

Anyone decipher this for me?

kerkevik_2014: (Furiosa 2)
 
   I was looking for an entirely different poem earlier today; had no look finding it, when I stumbled across this one. Actually, after deciding on some other idea and, I think, mis-typing.

 

Anyway, once I saw it, and heard the poem, I thought this would do very well and, just possibly, I may have been meant to find it.

   

United Nations Climate Summit Opening Ceremony – A poem to my Daughter by Kathy Jetnil-Kijiner, September 24, 2014


   dear matafele peinam,

   you are a seven month old sunrise of gummy smiles
   you are bald as an egg and bald as the buddha
   you are thighs that are thunder and shrieks that are lightning
   so excited for bananas, hugs and
   our morning walks past the lagoon

   dear matafele peinam,

   i want to tell you about that lagoon
   that lucid, sleepy lagoon lounging against the sunrise

   men say that one day
   that lagoon will devour you

   they say it will gnaw at the shoreline
   chew at the roots of your breadfruit trees
   gulp down rows of your seawalls
   and crunch your island’s shattered bones

   they say you, your daughter
   and your granddaughter, too
   will wander rootless
   with only a passport to call home

   dear matafele peinam,

   don’t cry
   mommy promises you
   no one
   will come and devour you

   no greedy whale of a company sharking through political seas
   no backwater bullying of businesses with broken morals
   no blindfolded bureaucracies gonna push
   this mother ocean over
   the edge
   no one’s drowning, baby
   no one’s moving
   no one’s losing
   their homeland
   no one’s gonna become
   a climate change refugee

   or should i say
   no one else

   to the carteret islanders of papua new guinea
   and to the taro islanders of the solomon islands
   i take this moment
   to apologize to you
   we are drawing the line here

   because baby we are going to fight
   your mommy daddy
   bubu jimma your country and president too
   we will all fight

   and even though there are those
   hidden behind platinum titles
   who like to pretend
   that we don’t exist
   that the marshall islands
   tuvalu
   kiribati
   maldives
   and typhoon haiyan in the philippines
   and floods of pakistan, algeria, colombia
   and all the hurricanes, earthquakes, and tidalwaves
   didn’t exist

   still
   there are those
   who see us

   hands reaching out
   fists raising up
   banners unfurling
   megaphones booming
   and we are
   canoes blocking coal ships
   we are
   the radiance of solar villages
   we are
   the rich clean soil of the farmer’s past
   we are
   petitions blooming from teenage fingertips
   we are
   families biking, recycling, reusing,
   engineers dreaming, designing, building,
   artists painting, dancing, writing
   and we are spreading the word
   and there are thousands out on the street
   marching with signs
   hand in hand
   chanting for change NOW

   and they’re marching for you, baby
   they’re marching for us

   because we deserve to do more than just
   survive
   we deserve
   to thrive

   dear matafele peinam,

   you are eyes heavy
   with drowsy weight
   so just close those eyes, baby
   and sleep in peace

   because we won’t let you down

   you’ll see

   **********

   

Here's a link to where I got the poem - citizenactionmonitor.wordpress.com/2014/12/26/dear-matafele-peinem-a-mother-reads-a-love-poem-for-her-baby-daughter-at-the-un-climate-summit/

 

And here's the link to the youtube video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJuRjy9k7GA


 

Goddess preserve,



Kerk Hiraeth








kerkevik_2014: (Default)
  
  Live Rewatch begins in two hours 
at 8 PM EST (that's 1 AM to me in the UK). Come join us for silliness and discussion! 

  kerk
kerkevik_2014: (Default)
 
     To start things off I thought that something surreal and absurd would suit the times. 

  

 The Owl And The Pussy-Cat - Poem by Edward Lear


  The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
  In a beautiful pea green boat,
  They took some honey, and plenty of money,
  Wrapped up in a five pound note.
  The Owl looked up to the stars above,
  And sang to a small guitar,
  'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
  What a beautiful Pussy you are,
  You are,
  You are!
  What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

  Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
  How charmingly sweet you sing!
  O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
  But what shall we do for a ring?'
  They sailed away, for a year and a day,
  To the land where the Bong-tree grows
  And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
  With a ring at the end of his nose,
  His nose,
  His nose,
  With a ring at the end of his nose.

  'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
  Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
  So they took it away, and were married next day
  By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
  They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
  Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
  And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
  They danced by the light of the moon,
  The moon,
  The moon,
  They danced by the light of the moon. 


   Goddess preserve, 

   

   Kerk Hiraeth ( https://forvo.com/word/cy/hiraeth/ ) 



kerkevik_2014: (Default)
 

 

  IMPORTANT NOTICE

        **************************

 

    2017 is the last calendar year that All Fool's Day will be celebrated on April 1st.

 

    From 2018 All Fool's Day will be celebrated on June 23rd in the United Kingdom, and on November 7th in the United States of America.

 

        **************************

  IMPORTANT NOTICE


 


 

kerkevik_2014: (Queer Trek)
 Hi, 

     ok we are, or I am, back up and ~ well at least I'm not sitting around not able to even listen to music anymore ~ ready to rewatch. Now we are into daylight saving changes now, but I am working on the assumption that it will still be the same start time EST-wise, which means as I type that we are a bit over two hours away from start time. 

Live rewatch now and that begins at 8 PM EST (that's 1 AM to me in the UK). Come join us for silliness and discussion! 

 Please come by and correct me if any of the above info is incorrect. If you come by the rewatch you will get a potted history of m y last two Miles O'Brien-bad weeks. 

 kerk
kerkevik_2014: (Default)
  Got the laptop back, but as things stand I have lost everything I had saved. 

  Vids are the most painful right now, as there a great many I know are no longer on You Tube; the ones I had transferred to my hard drive just prior to the crash; for safe-keeping *pause for ironic contemplation* are the hardest to take. 

  It's the stories I was working on and the ones I had saved, which may or may not still be there,; still can't figure out how to use the wayback machine (all I seem to be able to get are page links that don't actually go anywhere; which why bother saving them?), the loss of which hasn't hit me yet. 

 It's the feeling nothing that bothers me, or should. I'm not feeling anything. It feels as if I don't care, which is obviously a fallacy or I wouldn't be posting about it. 

 kerk
kerkevik_2014: (I'm Sad)
 Got a borrowed laptop, but cannot find the password to get me back on my email which, when I get the laptop back I will need whatever has been recovered. 

 Cobbled together set up died Saturday night with that laptop. Somehow managed to get through the last couple of days without even any music to find solace in. Dreamwdith & livejournal I can change the passwords for without my email account; others? don't know. 

 Without my cats... 

 kerk
kerkevik_2014: (Default)
  It's the little things that break you. 
  And I feel broken. 
  Not feeling like I want to put this worthless bag of shit back together again. 
  Enough already. 

  

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